My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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