hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
