He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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