There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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