everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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