he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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