just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize