I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
