Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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