he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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