Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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