She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
