Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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