Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
In America we eat man semen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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