ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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