can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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