I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
