p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
