I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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