Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
pray to the hookup gods
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
