The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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