Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
