I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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