My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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