if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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