you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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