What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
