i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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