Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
