Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
