we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
