just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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