I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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