U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
