He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
