i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he told me I talked like a deaf person
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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