The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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