You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
