I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
