I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
