I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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