so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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