I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
