i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
