last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
