Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
