Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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