you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
