I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
