good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
