He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
