Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
