I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
