I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
