great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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