"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
